Friday, June 15, 2007

taking a look inside.

most people on the planet have to listen to "constructive criticism" every now and then. smart people will get over their initial hurt or defensive feelings and look for a way to improve. i'd like to think of myself as a "smart" person (at least in some regards).
i got performance evaluations today. the general concensus is that i am not very organized, that i waste time, and that i am rude/sarcastic/mean.
i know i'm have not been very organized. it is something that i continue to work on. i have made some progress in this area, but i certainly need to become more organized in order to eliminate the second issue: wasting time.
i knew i was not making the best use of time on the job so i will definitely have to look into what i can do to change or eliminate those tasks that seem to waste the most time.
the third thing, was and was not a surprise.
i know that i am a very sarcastic individual. in no way do i intend to be "mean" (most of the time), but it does come across as being mean. i often lose my patience with what seems to me to be very judgemental attitudes. then i can be very snippy. i have to mentally challenge myself not to become defensive as i am thinking of instances in which this behavior came to light.
it's hard when it is partly habit and partly personality at play. still, i know that my sarcasm, irritability, and frustration oftentimes results in hurting someone's feelings, making them feel bad, or some other negative consequence. instead of thinking how the other person is at fault, i am taking a deep breath and taking a look inside. i wonder what can i do to change? what can i do to foster more patience and understanding? what can i do to tone down a sarcastic personality? i feel badlly that i have had a negative impact on people that i certainly would prefer to have a positive impact upon. doing a poor job in this area does not make me a failure. no. i will be a failure if i continue without making changes and adjustments.
i've always had a problem with anger. the problem has been extreme at times. it appears that the anger problem is just bubbling, thus fueling the sarcasm and frustration. what makes me angry? good question. one that i will have to consider and ponder for a while. i know where the anger is directed and how the overflow of that anger is affecting those around me. i guess that's the first step. the most important step is changing it.
isn't life a lovely challenge?

1 comment:

coolchick said...

You mean there are people who don't appreciate sarcasm and snippiness? WTF?

And hey, at least you're aware of your shortcomings. Having that info comes in handy on job interviews. Almost every interview I went on I was asked what my former employer would say was my biggest shortcoming, and I was thankful that I could throw out "inability to delegate". So recognizing one's shortcomings can be good sometimes.