fresh.

fresh brewed coffee. fresh morning dew. fresh minds. fresh ideas. you get the idea. as much as i bemoan mornings--i'd much rather be snuggled under a light blanket dreaming of keanu or flying or fighting flying elephants or whatever than to rise with the sun. still, i see the simplicity and the efficiency in rising early. there is a quiet and calm of the early morning hours that are as appealing to me as the middle of the night. only a matter of minutes between the two.
yesterday i certainly rose with the sun. i was perhaps more productive than the previous several days. i suppose because i had a purpose and a schedule for a change. my brief hiatus between semesters was luxurious and much appreciated as well as completely unstructured and lazy. i felt like a very spoiled princess for most of it and damn if that wasn't the schizz! but y'all know what? i realize i crave and need structure and substance to my days. with a structured schedule and a list of tasks to accomplish, i feel grounded. i feel, well, fresh. i still don't like waking early in the morning, but once i've done it i realize i can deal with it. i'll never be all breezy and smiley and joyous in the mornings--silent and grumpy is the best i think i can do. hell, it's the best i'm willing to do. for now.

ch-ch-ch-changes

whew. friggin' boy it's been a long week. the weekend will be a long one too considering how close finals week is. i have several final group projects and final papers to grade/finish grading in order to stay on top of the influx of even more final papers next week.

this week has not only been hectic, but stressful mainly because i haven't been able to sleep much AND the wind shifted directions again, thereby resulting in another icky sinus allergy flare up. such fun! *eye roll*.

i had some wonderful moments with some of my favorite students this week. i'm even more certain that i am doing what i am supposed to be doing AND i am evolving ever closer to who and what i am supposed to be in this life.

the synchronicity theme seems to be continuing in many areas of my life. i really should blog a bit more about this and how it is affecting me and my relationships (both personally & professionally).

the closer graduation gets, the more people are sending regrets that they will not be able to attend. i guess nothing ever really changes. my mother is the only one who will be there thus far. i'm sure that she and i will have a blast. the older we both get, the better we seem to get along and the better we seem to understand one another.

i'm excited about the coming changes in my life. i feel that i am experiencing life and all its ups and downs in a whole new lght. i've made a committment to let go of worry and just trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to. stress isn't non-existent in my day to day life, but the eztreme stress that nearly shattered me is no longer a part of my life. nothing is so important that i should lose my sanity over. lord knows i have precious little sanity to spare!

this realization that i am maturing, growing, evolving, becoming, actualizing........it is a very odd feeling. i'm not quite sure i could explain it even if i tried. there is a tinge of regret for many reasons and a longing for a life i'll never have, a past that can't be re-written, and lessons learned too late. still, i remind myself that things do and will have a way of working out as they are meant to. there is a purpose to all things, including my life. i just pray that i will have succeeded in fulfilling my purpose here in this life, on this earth, in this realm, before i take my last breath.