Saturday, April 05, 2008


to those i've hurt,
there are some who have hurt me. deeply. there are those whom i have hurt even deeper. the reasons for the aggression, whether physical, mental, emotional, seem to fade away over time. maybe there never really was a valid reason. but it happened just the same. recalling the hurts received and given stings just the same. i feel ashamed for having been the source of pain for people that i cared for, people i didn't really know, people who i used for my own gain. the shame runs deep and long. longer and deeper, i think, than the pain caused to me by others.
i wish that somehow i could take away the hurts and the pains, but still where would that leave any of us? the best i can hope for is that i will no longer cause pain and hurt to those around me or will at the very least keep the intentional hurt to a minimum. damage causes wounds which can eventually scar, but which will be stronger than previous. i can only hope that the damage that i caused others has made them stronger and more resilient. i can only hope that the damage i've caused, had some tiny bit of hope. if i believe, as i often profess, that all things happen for a reason, this may be the case.

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