Saturday, April 01, 2006

choices at the crossroads.

as we go through life, we come to countless crossroads--a place in our lives where we must make choices. sometimes those choices are no-brainers. sometimes it's hard to discern what the choices actually are. sometimes, they are painfully clear choices before us. choosing to do nothing is a choice in and of itself. the consequences of the choices we make are sometimes immediate and sometimes extremely delayed. even as we prepare to embark upon a new path from the crossroads, the consequences of old choices are at our heels or riding on our backs like the proverbial monkey. and even as we think we know what the consequences of our choices might be, we can never fully see beyond the horizon or around the bend.
i'm one of those who tends to examine every situation from every possible angle, some might say i over-analyze. perhaps this is true. from a past filled to the brim with poor, impulsive choices, i am learning to make informed, calculated decisions. today, as i see the crossroads looming before me, i know that the choices that i will be forced to make will define, shape, and possibly haunt me. i have forever underestimated my capabilities and my talents. my past choices have often been based on what i thought would make me better in the eyes of another, what would give me more credibility, more value, more worth to another person. i feel a tear in the fabric of who i am as i know the choices before me will provide an opportunity to make a choice based on what i want for me, not what someone else might want for me. if i choose to step away from the painful past and towards a possibly brighter future for myself, i will have to leave some things -- and people -- behind. letting go, they say, is the hardest part of the journey. traveling down this road with a lighter load sounds so good right now, but that means i have to set down the baggage that has been holding me back. when we start examining the baggage, we can find all kinds of reasons to keep it, even when it hinders our progress as a person. am i ready to make the difficult choice to lighten my load? my heart is heavy with that question, yet only time will tell if i have the strength to finally do what i need to do for me.

3 comments:

Barbara said...

Lighten your load, set yourself free.

Michele sent me.

coolchick said...

Do it!! Do it!!! Do it!!!!

Your path is set - follow it. Make all your hard work pay off. You know what to do.

Do it.

ƒåυνέ said...

Sweetie, you sound so much like me it's scary.
I know that I've seemed to go from cocky-know-it-all who made sucky choices, to feeling completely inadequate and make sucky choices because I have so much fear.

There is a middle ground. One where we are confident and comfortable with ourselves and our choices. Maybe we could meet there together?