uncertainty.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. -- Theodore Rubin

uncertainty. it certainly takes hold of us at one point or another in this spectacular journey labeled "life". times and things change and we wonder such questions as "what will be?", "what was?", and "what could have been?"

and that last question always brings to my mind the song "what might have been" by lonestar.

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

and upon further ponderance, i fall back on that old faithful belief that still holds true deep into my core of being: there IS a reason for everything that happens, that is, that was, and that will be. we may never know what that reason is, but if we are lucky, we will have glimpses, traces, and hints of that reason.

wouldn't it be easier to just refuse to believe anything? to doubt everything in my path? perhaps, but wouldn't that make me even more of a cynic? more of an angry, bitter person? the flip side of the coin may be no better for blind belief leads to unhealthy naivity and a false sense of self. how do you know who you really are, what your values are, if not for believing and doubting, but only some of the time?

even in the face of dark depression, where doubt and uncertainty lurk in every corner and crevice, i know that i want to believe, know, understand. i know that i want to be a better person today than yesterday. i know that i want to get closer to the reasons, closer to the truths. i suppose that is what keeps me going.